So I’m finally getting some sleep. And let me just say that I am not, not, NOT a pill-popper by any means, but I am loving how Ambien let me get 2 full nights of sleep last week. It was a last resort and whaddya know, it works.
This means the world to me. My increasing lack of sleep, on top of the constant nausea, meant I was crossing the border from sleep-deprived to depressed… to nearly suicidal. And let’s be clear: I’m not talking about suffering from the normal lack of sleep that comes with parenting young kids, because I’ve been there twice now, once with a baby who until a year old woke up 5 times a night, and this was nothing like it. 5 hours of sleep a night (my average for the last year) would have been doable. Instead I was getting about 3 each night. And it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, I’d wake up after 3 hours and wouldn’t be able to get back.
So I cut back on my writing, downgraded most of my parenting to the basics of feeding and diapering and learning to read and color with my eyes shut, and did my best to make it to my OB appointments. Tried to nap, with little success.
But this week, after two nights of Ambien-fueled sleep, I seemed to have kicked my system into gear. [Pause while I knock on wood, won't you?] I’ve managed a few more nights of 7-hour sleep and feel like a different woman. I’ve cleared out some of the accumulated detritus of 4 months of non-housekeeping that I’ve been piling on the dining table and in assorted laundry baskets behind the sofa. (Hello, desperate times; meet my dear friend, desperate measures.) I grabbed my baby and went to Target! My zombie state been so bad that driving has been a chancy endeavor, so getting out meant a lot to me, even if it was just to restock baby wipes.
Many thanks to all my friends who have prayed for me and asked me how I’m doing. I’m hoping this keeps up.