I’m sleeping much better and no longer feel that horrible suicidal pull that I had several months ago. Amazing what a little sleep gives you. My extreme fatigue isn’t easy but evidently I’m anemic, so hopefully an iron supplement will help.

Meanwhile I’m thinking I’ll undergo a blog redesign (”re” is pushing it — it’s more like an actual design for once) and get back to my original theme of dropping the weight once the baby arrives in September. Nothing like fall fashion to get me in the mood to lose the puff.

This means the world to me. My increasing lack of sleep, on top of the constant nausea, meant I was crossing the border from sleep-deprived to depressed… to nearly suicidal. And let’s be clear: I’m not talking about suffering from the normal lack of sleep that comes with parenting young kids, because I’ve been there twice now, once with a baby who until a year old woke up 5 times a night, and this was nothing like it. 5 hours of sleep a night (my average for the last year) would have been doable. Instead I was getting about 3 each night. And it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, I’d wake up after 3 hours and wouldn’t be able to get back. 

So I cut back on my writing, downgraded most of my parenting to the basics of feeding and diapering and learning to read and color with my eyes shut, and did my best to make it to my OB appointments. Tried to nap, with little success.

But this week, after two nights of Ambien-fueled sleep, I seemed to have kicked my system into gear. [Pause while I knock on wood, won't you?] I’ve managed a few more nights of 7-hour sleep  and feel like a different woman. I’ve cleared out some of the accumulated detritus of 4 months of non-housekeeping that I’ve been piling on the dining table and in assorted laundry baskets behind the sofa. (Hello, desperate times; meet my dear friend, desperate measures.) I grabbed my baby and went to Target! My zombie state been so bad that driving has been a chancy endeavor, so getting out meant a lot to me, even if it was just to restock baby wipes. 

Many thanks to all my friends who have prayed for me and asked me how I’m doing. I’m hoping this keeps up.

The problem is more than just annoying — after a year of an average of 5 hours of sleep, falling even farther off the sleep train is making me incredibly sluggish and far more depressed than I’d normally be at this stage of pregnancy. (The good news is that my morning sickness is getting manageable, so at least there’s that…) Edited to add: Um, when I say “far more depressed” I should give an example: Last week after about 3-4 hours of sleep a night and no napping to catch up, I was actually feeling borderline suicidal. All I could think was what a huge burden I am and how much better my husband and kids would be without me. In the cold light of day I know that’s not true, but at the time, things were looking awfully dark.

Sometimes I’m able to take a short nap in the afternoon, but my sleep debt is pretty big, so it doesn’t make a huge difference these days. My 14-month old is teething heavily, so she’s waking up a lot at night too. (We give her ibuprofen for the pain but as usual her urine gets really acidic when she’s teething so it irritates her little bottom terribly, even with Desitin slathered all over.)

Any suggestions on helping me catch some Zs? 

Answer more WFMW dilemmas this week at We are THAT Family.